As I started my journey
The world looked on
My path was a meandering line
I walked upon marble petals
With nothing upon my feet
Feeling the cool smoothness of the stone
The fields of tall grass were a light green
Complementary to the rich, vibrant green upon which I trod
Above me
Suspended in air
Thin panels of white pine crossed each other in a simple pattern
In the large gaps
Left by the Carpenter
Nature had woven beautiful, flower laden ivies
The sun shined warm upon my skin
The plants above shaded me in the heat of the day
The friendly winter breeze played in my hair
Sending cooling chills through my body
What joy to be young
The world moved in on my happiness
Dark, angry clouds filled the sky
Blocking out the light
The fields turned to desert
My canvas fell about my shoulders
Striking me
Bleeding me
I cried out
Pain
White pain
Sorrow
Tears
Flowing down my face
Drenching me
The world wept with me
But not as a consoler
But in mockery of my misery
Despair
The rain would not stop
The petals that I had once trod upon were washed away
The rain slowed
Drizzled
It did not stop
I shivered
But not because of the sweet caress of winter
I felt myself freezing
Through lidded eyes I looked at my road
The road created by the world
Slowly
I stood
I had to go on
I know not why
But I must
When I stepped
A jagged blade cut into my sole
I howled in pain
As the wound became only a throb
I looked out
The ground was covered with sharp points
Their malicious gleams mocked me
But I must go on
With each step the pain grows
Within several feet
Mine have nothing left to them
Time passes
I continue to trudge on
I no longer feel the pain as the ground stabs me
I am immune
My brain registers the knife buried in my skin as I step
But I cannot feel its pain
Too many before it have hurt me there
I stumble and fall
Blades cut into my knees and hands
Tearing at the soft, wet skin
A yell cuts threw the air
Than I realize
It was me
They have found new ground
Places that still sting if pierced
I hurt
What happened
Where is my childhood
Why are the sun and flowers gone
When did the beauty leave
Who hated me so that I was condemned to this life
I cannot remember
I just know
I once had pure happiness filling my days
As I walked down my path
My path of greens
My path of sunshine
My path of life
But not anymore
Everyday
Every step
Every shuddering breath
Is a trial
I don?t want to continue on
But I must
I must hope
Go on
My journey is not yet over
My road
Continues one
january 28, 2004
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